Once upon a time, there was a young girl who struggled to see her self worth. She would write in her diary every single night with words of “I want to be beautiful, God please make me beautiful. I don’t want to live.” Over and over she would write the words. In many people’s eyes, she had it all. She had the friends, she had the accolades, she was an overachiever… But in her eyes, she had nothing. She was worthless.
Every morning she would put on that big smile so that everyone would think she was ok. But inside she was dying. Instead of finding those things inside of her that made her unique, she would compare herself to everyone else. She never measured up… at least that’s what she thought.
She would daydream about committing suicide, all the while praying that something deep inside of her could change. That somehow she could see the person inside her that everyone else saw.
To numb her feelings in junior high, she would stick her hands down her throat. Being bulimic was something she could control.
To numb her feelings of worthlessness in college, she would drink vodka straight out of a water bottle.
She continued to numb… until she realized the pain was still there. So she started to see her pain differently.
The pain that she felt growing up, about not having the ‘perfect’ family, helped her to gain empathy.
The pain that made her feel ugly (and made her bulimic) helped her to gain understanding.
The pain that made her think that external beauty was more important than internal beauty, made her stronger.
The pain of feeling worthless and like she doesn’t measure up to anyone si what helps her connect to people.
The pain is part of her story. It’s what made her rise up and know that she has to do something with her life
The girl in this story is me. It’s my story. And although my story might not be exactly like yours, it’s not unique. Everyone has pain. It’s what we do with that pain that matters.
Your story may not be exactly what you thought it would be. If there is a turn in your story, you don’t need to start over or try to end your story like I did. Take your stories with you into the next chapter. Your experiences, pains, sorrows, triumphs, joy are what make you a human, living a human experience. Doesn’t it hurt sometimes? But isn’t life amazing too? Own your stories and use them to carry you through, knowing you are strong and resilient.
You AND your story are needed.